The Golden Path
by HOAnubisTS
Summary: A cracky AU! Eridan and Vriska are in a passionate, hateful blackrom until she runs off with someone she'd never thought of hating before! Will update soon.
1. Chapter 1

**FIRST OFF THIS IS WRITTEN BECAUSE I HAVE LOST A BET. **

**Welcome to this cracky AU. **

**Special thanks to Rebarbative for being my beta and helping me make this story not as crappy as it was before. :3**

_**Eridan and Vriska are in a happy relationship, until…**_

Vriska Serket was actually pretty, in a threatening, mysterious kind of way. Her nose arched forward and the tip was pointed, but not to the point where she looked like a witch. Her lips were pouty and heart-shaped, and when she beamed, her teeth glistened in the light. Her hair, however, was her best feature –long, thick locks that fell to her hips in delicate waves.  
None of this mattered to Eridan Ampora. His hate-struck eyes perceived her as the ugliest thing on Alternia. To him, their hate was something to be reckoned with –the most brooding storm out in the sea couldn't compare to the ill feelings they felt towards each other.

What did she think of their relationship?

Well, it was a safe. They'd always had mutual black feelings for each other, ever since their FLARPing days, and the imperial drones were due to come at any time. It would be clever to stay by his side, just for now.

Of course, there was a time when their hatred was mutual. Each slap and insult he dealt to her was returned equally brash and sharp. But as of late, she could feel the passion draining out and the lust ebbing away. Instead, a brand new feeling came into play: pity. It wasn't quite pale or red, but she felt sorry for Eridan. Every insult sent bouts of guilt boiling through her. That was when she knew –she didn't hate him like she used to. His irritating, wavy accent didn't infuriate her anymore. She didn't feel like tearing off his cape and ripping it to shreds with her teeth.  
So, when they were both snug in her recupracoon and he called out, "I hate you," from behind his sharp teeth, she made herself mumble it back to him. Oblivious to the half-heartedness of it, he sank deeper into the violently green slime and succumbed to exhaustion.

She found that she was unable to sleep. There was a nagging feeling in her stomach, one she couldn't shake off. Sighing, she clambered out and dressed in whatever clothes were strewn on the floor. Captchalogging her dice, she walked out of the house. Her quadrants were a mess, and she knew someone who could help her sort everything out.

Luckily, she arrived in LOLAR fast enough to avoid the scorching rays of the Alternian sun. She knocked on her moirail's door and impatiently tapped her foot. A few seconds later, the jade-blooded troll swung the door open, her hair scruffy and knotted. It was obvious she hadn't taken a brush to it yet.

"Oh... hello, Vriska," she greeted. "I-"

"I know, I'm bothering you at a bad time. But look... I really - uh, I'm gonna sound so LAME –need a feelings jam."

Kanaya's eyes widened. Vriska never talked about her feelings –she'd begun to think that she didn't have them.

"By all means, come in!" She was ushered into her moirail's respiteblock, and Kanaya waited as Vriska took in the large panel windows that covered the walls.

An awkward silence ensued, until Vriska spoke. "It's Eridan. I... don't hate him anymore. I don't feel like scratching or–"

"Maybe you're finally getting morals." The comment was delivered with uttermost calmness, but the words stung nevertheless.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, go on."

The other troll, now flustered, complied. "Well... nothing ANGERS me anymore! Insulting him makes me feel guilty and–"

"I believe it's just you learning to act polite."

Was she being rude on purpose?...

"–and I don't even make fun of his fashion sense, even if he says I dress terribly every day–"

"I agree with him, wholeheartedly."

"WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?" A strange sensation bubbled inside of her, rising up to her face and making her grit her teeth.

What is that feeling called again?

Oh yeah… Anger.

"Nothing!" Smiling, the rainbow drinker folded her arms and savored the small triumph.

"Jegus, I come here to have a nice little feels jam, IN WHICH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CRADLE ME IN YOUR ARMS AND CALM ME DOWN, and you insult me?! I hate you!"  
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

She expected Kanaya to possibly start crying, perhaps be upset, or taken aback. Instead, she crossed her legs and said, "I do too..." After a pause, she added as an afterthought, "Although, not platonically."

Vriska was surprised to find she felt the same way.

… _**she leaves him for Kanaya. **_

**The next part is coming soon. :33**


	2. Chapter 2

**I is back! I know you like your name on top of chapters, so special thanks to Rebarbative once again. ;) Also, since fanfiction completely blocks off lesser than or greater than signs there is no chance I can make a legitimate kismesissitude symbol. :/ Sorry bout that.**

_**Eridan has a one night stand with…**_

He woke up to the sensation of unbearable thirst.

Being a seadweller, he was not used to being dehydrated. His mouth was as dry as a desert and his throat felt like it was on fire. He knew he should probably get up to find some water soon, but he couldn't summon the strength to do anything.

After twenty minutes of lying around in slime, other types of pain registered. There was the headache that came with great force and ebbed away slowly, just to come back stronger. There was the soreness in his body – he felt as if he'd aged a hundred years overnight.

_What's happening?_

The question in his brain vanished as soon as it appeared. Formulating thoughts took energy, and energy was something he was lacking at the moment.

_I feel like I'm dying._

"I don't wwant to die," he mumbled to himself, his voice barely audible.

"You won't. It's called a hangover."

The proximity of the other voice startled him. Suddenly, all the pain was forgotten. He lurched to his feet and scrambled out of the recupracoon, his eyes wide in terror. Who had spoken?

Nestled on the other side of the recupracoon was Terezi. Her eyes were firmly shut, and there were three little creases on her forehead. Despite her pained expression, she was still grinning, revealing her sharp, shark-like teeth.

Eridan blanched. Memories of last night began flooding in, reeling in his mind like an old black and white flickering movie. Part of him knew that what had happened was true, but the other side protested against it. _No, no, no… please don't let it be…_

He reached for Terezi's laptop perched on her desk, not bothering to ask for permission. Cold dread crept into his stomach. Shakily, he typed in his password (wwhalesmustdie) and watched as the screen lit up. A pesterlog opened up and, as he scanned the blue and purple text, he felt physically sick.

It was all true.

* * *

_arachnidsGrip [ AG ] began trolling caligulasAquarium [ CA ]_

_AG: Eridan, listen._

_AG: We need to talk._

_AG: Like serious talking, none of those stupid 8ullshit kismesis arguments._

_AG: 8ecause I feel shitty a8out this and you know I don't usually feel shitty._

_AG: A8out anything. It's like what that Rose human said to me once, I h8 everything, so I don't feel guilty for anything. Antisocial personality disorder.  
AG: Or whatever. That's not important._

_CA: wwhoa okay wwhats this_

_AG: Oh._

_CA: wwhat are you talkin about_

_AG: Shit, you're making this harder._

_AG: You always fucking do this._

_CA: *kismesis sign*_

_AG: No! This is eeeeeeeexactly what I'm talking about!_

_AG: I'm just going to say this str8, so I can regret it l8er. I'm not in h8 with you anymore._

_CA: wwhoa_

_CA: wwait_

_CA: wwhat_

_AG: I'm sorry!_

_AG: I actually am though. I'm not just s8ying that._

_CA: but i thought our blackrom wwas great_

_CA: i mean wwevve been together for a wwhile noww havvent wwe_

_CA: an i think youre ugly_

_CA: an you hate my accent an my cape and evverythin about me_

_AG: 8ut I don't!_

_AG: Not anymore._

_AG: At first it was all so exciting and the only thing I could think a8out was how much we despised each other._

_AG: Now…_

_AG: It's just so BOOOOOOOORING._

_CA: are you_

_CA: breakin up wwith me_

_AG: Yes, I am.  
CA: but_

_CA: no_

_CA: theres somethin else to it_

_CA: tell me_

_AG: THERE ISN'T!_

_AG: Okay._

_AG: May8e there is._

_AG: Once ag8in I'm just going to say this without thinking._

_AG: I've found someone else._

_AG: Eridan?_

_AG: Eridan, are you still there?_

_AG: Eridan?_

_caligulasAquarium's [ CA ] computer has been smashed to pieces_

_AG: HOLY SH8T!_

_He fell to his knees, and then curled into a fetal position, his cape draping over his body protectively. He savored the numbness while it lasted – soon the misery, the desperation, and the anger would kick in, and those were much more unpleasant. He felt tears threatening to spill._

"_Don't be so fuckin pathetic," he scolded himself, wiping his eyes with his scarf. "You didn't hate her that much anywway." He was lying to himself blatantly, but he didn't care. He needed something to distract him, whether it was the sound of his own voice, or…_

_Or alcohol._

_It seemed like a good idea. He'd never been well and truly drunk before, but he'd heard from around that it blocked out emotions and made you forget everything. That was exactly what he wanted._

_Without thinking it through, he grabbed Ahab's and stepped outside his hive, into the bitter cold._

* * *

_He downed the shot and slammed down the glass. The liquid burned as it made its way down to his stomach. The aftertaste made him shudder._

_And, worst of all, he was still as depressed as he'd been before._

_He barked at the server for another shot, rubbing his temple with one hand and clenching the other into a tight fist. He was obviously at his angry stage. Several eyes were trained on him, some sympathetic, some resentful._

"_Hi there, Ampora," someone cackled behind him. He looked up with bloodshot eyes. "What're you so upset about?"_

_The rough voice belonged to none other than Terezi Pyrope. He muttered, "Nothing," before averting his gaze and casting his eyes at his empty shot glass._

"_Don't lie. I can smell your misery."_

_He sighed and opened his mouth to tell her to piss off…_

…_yet somehow found himself desperately pressing her body against his, kissing her harshly, his fingers entangled in her hair. To his surprise, she wasn't resisting – perhaps because she knew just how much he was yearning for affection at the time._

_His feelings for her weren't red. They weren't black either._

_In fact, they were no color at all._

_His feelings for her were drunk._

Slowly, very slowly, he shut down the laptop. He reached for his cape, tying it around him in one swift motion and crept out of the house.

Hopefully, all this would soon be just a distant memory.

…_**Terezi, and a brief, unhappy affair with… **_

**New update coming soon! :3**


End file.
